11.13.2008
escuche por favor mi CD
With all the tax dollars I'm paying, I'm so thankful that its going to my flat screen entertainment on the metro. Now if they'd show "Transit TV" in ENGLISH. However it does have "Transit Trivia" testing my useless knowledge of "what was the name of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima?" and "the first street in Los Angeles was?" Of course, these questions, my stock tips and the Bio of an inner city up and coming rap artist are in English... But HEY! I sure as fuck could sell you some CDs in Spanish now, at least I have something to fall back on, just incase the whole bachelor's degree thing doesn't work out.
9.06.2008
how i spent my summer vacation
so i had 4 choices of topics to choose from for my english paper. i chose the ever so classic "how i spent my summer vacation". to me it meant a lot and even though this paper is not worth that much, i have a lot of pride in it. i think for a class assignment i put a lot of real true emotion into it, weather i wanted to or not. there were some parts that i would have rather left out, but it would have left holes in my paper, in my summer, and in my heart.
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
Every year a special season comes full term that everyone regardless of age, gender, race, job, lifestyle or financial situation looks forward to with the soul purpose of making it “the best one ever”, it is called Summer. We make it our personal duty to do anything and everything possible in this 3 month period of time that is grounds for discredit during the bleaker months that follow for whatever reasons. I am no exception, I actually take this idea and run with it even further.
This Summer was bound to be one for the books. Preceding my Winter months that carried on into Spring which was still the never ending party, I decided to continue to stay at my once thought of “Winter arrangement” into the Summer season. I had made a life time amount of friends in seven months and was in no hurry to change scenery, for where I lived was one of the most beautiful places on earth, Mammoth Lakes, California. Everything was coming to bloom, a thick layer of yellow pollen had collected on my car as I walked outside my house, I was in no rush for work, I took time to take in my “front yard” the Sherwin Mountain range that still had snow patches hidden away, glaciers. The whole town was under attack by yellow spores floating around, careless to the happenings of village, I’d stir up patches as a drove my beat up 2001 Ford to work. My days consisted of living the ultimate dream that middle aged people who sat in their cubicles would day dream about, hoping for a real get away other than leaving work thirty minutes early to catch the tail end of happy hour. A usual day consisted of me waking up at 8 am, taking care of my morning hygienic rituals in the bathroom I worked on overload trying to keep spotless while living with three boys, cleaning up the empty beer cans sprawled across our kitchen to our outside deck and collecting cigarette butts from the long night’s parties, waking my roommates up for breakfast, and drive two minutes down the road to work. My job was working at a leather store, we sold furs as well, the ironic part still stays at that I’m vegan. But the job paid overly well for the lack of actual work done, and I was working on the same strip of shops that six of my friends worked at with the ability to have all day pay to hang out. After I’d lock up the shop, there weren’t necessarily a plethora of things to do in a ski town during the Summer at night, but we always found something. Perks of living in “THE party house” was that there was always someone home weather they lived there or not and everyone always wanted to do something. More than that, I’d never have to feel alone, seeing as though my boyfriend at the time lived 3,000 miles across country in Washington, DC. We would party into the late hours of the night with our large but close knit group of friends doing various random acts and trekking through the forest late at night into old mining caves, we felt like it was the best time of our lives. And it was. From moving to Mammoth from Los Angeles, the vibe of the people and the atmosphere itself was completely different and in many ways indescribable to tell someone who “wasn’t there.” It couldn’t get much better than the friends I had, the house I lived in and the actual location I lived. I was the happiest I had ever been.
My days off from work were nothing short of lived to the fullest, no matter what was the plan. I could be doing anything from sitting on scolding hot black tire inter-tubes and pool floats with 10 people linked together floating down the Owens’ river all day, to sitting around the Twin Lakes shore camping or poolside and bbqing, to packing up backpacks to hike Mammoth rock for a picnic lunch. At some point in the day we’d meander over to the local pizza hub in the village because at least one of our friends would be working, which would mean free food and the dinner issue was solved. We’d sit outside absorbing the evening heat that we waited all winter for, when sandals were out of the question. I am by no means someone that could flourish and survive under the florescent lights of a office building, filing papers in monotonous task form, my vice the the outdoors. Every moment of sunlight and then some was spent outside soaking up as much of the harmful UVA/UVB rays as possible, only to further my belief that this Summer had sped up my enviable skin cancer possibilities. To me, all worth it.
This Summer I managed to scrape the left over savings of hard earned money into two different occasions for plane tickets, both to visit Washington, DC. It was my first time ever. I had gone to visit my boyfriend an accumulation of 30 days total. Because I was there for him, and not the glory of seeing our nations capital and the bed of our President was the last thing on my list of things to do. Though I did see much of the landscape, I focused my attention more so on him and not standing in line at the reflecting pool with all the other tourist. It all was an overwhelming experience, not my first time to a totally new place, but it was with the addition of living a life as if I had grown up there with the help of my boyfriend, the dizziness of being in love in a new surrounding, everything was sunshine and rainbows, so romantic, even in the horrible storms we ran into while vacationing on this beach house in Delaware. It was truly magical. But magic only resides in fairy tales for me, and the thoughts of these amazing days does nothing but haunt me now. With the residual affects of a recent break up, parts of my glorious Summer vacation had been darkened with heartache and sadness. Though I will never forget how wonderful it was, and how much of a princess I felt at the time, it does not erase the hole in my heart. Winter love was never meant to go past Spring I suppose.
Because of multiple reasons my Summer wonderland had to come to somewhat of a halt. Between my mother’s persuasive powers and my father’s growing illness, I felt it was within my duties as a participating daughter to do what I thought was best, and move back to Los Angeles. Against my better judgment, I did so with a laundry list of pros and cons. The idea was to go back to school and live at home free of rent which to any struggling child looks at like a mirage on the Serengeti Planes, looks good until its up close. So I did. Needless to say coming home to old friends was fun, it was like I never left the party and the people were still the same. To me, it was an alarm going off that Summer was over, adult day camp had ended and the real world had to start.
Although this summer seemed to have a routine without guidelines, it was by far the only Summer of its kind in my life history. The amount of meaning, understanding of self and endless possibilities has made its mark on me, though I have many summers to come, this is nothing less than unforgettable.
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
Every year a special season comes full term that everyone regardless of age, gender, race, job, lifestyle or financial situation looks forward to with the soul purpose of making it “the best one ever”, it is called Summer. We make it our personal duty to do anything and everything possible in this 3 month period of time that is grounds for discredit during the bleaker months that follow for whatever reasons. I am no exception, I actually take this idea and run with it even further.
This Summer was bound to be one for the books. Preceding my Winter months that carried on into Spring which was still the never ending party, I decided to continue to stay at my once thought of “Winter arrangement” into the Summer season. I had made a life time amount of friends in seven months and was in no hurry to change scenery, for where I lived was one of the most beautiful places on earth, Mammoth Lakes, California. Everything was coming to bloom, a thick layer of yellow pollen had collected on my car as I walked outside my house, I was in no rush for work, I took time to take in my “front yard” the Sherwin Mountain range that still had snow patches hidden away, glaciers. The whole town was under attack by yellow spores floating around, careless to the happenings of village, I’d stir up patches as a drove my beat up 2001 Ford to work. My days consisted of living the ultimate dream that middle aged people who sat in their cubicles would day dream about, hoping for a real get away other than leaving work thirty minutes early to catch the tail end of happy hour. A usual day consisted of me waking up at 8 am, taking care of my morning hygienic rituals in the bathroom I worked on overload trying to keep spotless while living with three boys, cleaning up the empty beer cans sprawled across our kitchen to our outside deck and collecting cigarette butts from the long night’s parties, waking my roommates up for breakfast, and drive two minutes down the road to work. My job was working at a leather store, we sold furs as well, the ironic part still stays at that I’m vegan. But the job paid overly well for the lack of actual work done, and I was working on the same strip of shops that six of my friends worked at with the ability to have all day pay to hang out. After I’d lock up the shop, there weren’t necessarily a plethora of things to do in a ski town during the Summer at night, but we always found something. Perks of living in “THE party house” was that there was always someone home weather they lived there or not and everyone always wanted to do something. More than that, I’d never have to feel alone, seeing as though my boyfriend at the time lived 3,000 miles across country in Washington, DC. We would party into the late hours of the night with our large but close knit group of friends doing various random acts and trekking through the forest late at night into old mining caves, we felt like it was the best time of our lives. And it was. From moving to Mammoth from Los Angeles, the vibe of the people and the atmosphere itself was completely different and in many ways indescribable to tell someone who “wasn’t there.” It couldn’t get much better than the friends I had, the house I lived in and the actual location I lived. I was the happiest I had ever been.
My days off from work were nothing short of lived to the fullest, no matter what was the plan. I could be doing anything from sitting on scolding hot black tire inter-tubes and pool floats with 10 people linked together floating down the Owens’ river all day, to sitting around the Twin Lakes shore camping or poolside and bbqing, to packing up backpacks to hike Mammoth rock for a picnic lunch. At some point in the day we’d meander over to the local pizza hub in the village because at least one of our friends would be working, which would mean free food and the dinner issue was solved. We’d sit outside absorbing the evening heat that we waited all winter for, when sandals were out of the question. I am by no means someone that could flourish and survive under the florescent lights of a office building, filing papers in monotonous task form, my vice the the outdoors. Every moment of sunlight and then some was spent outside soaking up as much of the harmful UVA/UVB rays as possible, only to further my belief that this Summer had sped up my enviable skin cancer possibilities. To me, all worth it.
This Summer I managed to scrape the left over savings of hard earned money into two different occasions for plane tickets, both to visit Washington, DC. It was my first time ever. I had gone to visit my boyfriend an accumulation of 30 days total. Because I was there for him, and not the glory of seeing our nations capital and the bed of our President was the last thing on my list of things to do. Though I did see much of the landscape, I focused my attention more so on him and not standing in line at the reflecting pool with all the other tourist. It all was an overwhelming experience, not my first time to a totally new place, but it was with the addition of living a life as if I had grown up there with the help of my boyfriend, the dizziness of being in love in a new surrounding, everything was sunshine and rainbows, so romantic, even in the horrible storms we ran into while vacationing on this beach house in Delaware. It was truly magical. But magic only resides in fairy tales for me, and the thoughts of these amazing days does nothing but haunt me now. With the residual affects of a recent break up, parts of my glorious Summer vacation had been darkened with heartache and sadness. Though I will never forget how wonderful it was, and how much of a princess I felt at the time, it does not erase the hole in my heart. Winter love was never meant to go past Spring I suppose.
Because of multiple reasons my Summer wonderland had to come to somewhat of a halt. Between my mother’s persuasive powers and my father’s growing illness, I felt it was within my duties as a participating daughter to do what I thought was best, and move back to Los Angeles. Against my better judgment, I did so with a laundry list of pros and cons. The idea was to go back to school and live at home free of rent which to any struggling child looks at like a mirage on the Serengeti Planes, looks good until its up close. So I did. Needless to say coming home to old friends was fun, it was like I never left the party and the people were still the same. To me, it was an alarm going off that Summer was over, adult day camp had ended and the real world had to start.
Although this summer seemed to have a routine without guidelines, it was by far the only Summer of its kind in my life history. The amount of meaning, understanding of self and endless possibilities has made its mark on me, though I have many summers to come, this is nothing less than unforgettable.
8.14.2008
7.20.2008
hippies
if you're gunna do something involving late night, nature and booze, make sure you factor hippies into your plans because without a doubt you'll run into them, usually naked.
last night danny, james, matt and i treked out to the desert in search of the farthest hot spring, down which could be conceived as the first "road" ever made. we were almost positive that this is the dirt road everyone dies on, not because its a horrible road, just how incredibly sketch it is, in general. we get there, walk across boards and low and behold there's the hot spring ... and a hippie. this night could be considered one of the best nights in mammoth, thus far. break out our 30 pac, eat shit on the moss, and find a ledge. just to notice that the hippie is A) naked and B) is rockin a mean man-gina. so awesome. we got boozy til 2am with the most ridic conversations i have ever imagined with this hippie dude that was half drunk half fried out his mind. it was far out. dude was a legend. packed up our gear and walked back to the truck just to make yet another good decision to trek all the way bishop to get down hard on some denny's (because nothing in mammoth s 24 hours, not even close). one of the best meals i have ever had, hands down. i haven't had denny's in like over a goddamn year, let alone chain restraunt food. became bishop hooligans and made it back home while me and danny slept in the back seat of james' truck, i have NO clue how we both managed to lay down. i was on the floor? happens. came back at 5, and now here i am. what's the deal with these rain clouds, can't sun my bunz.
7.18.2008
disco inferno and leather face
i have spent my whole entire day lurking the internutz for siqq beats. why? because apparently i have turned into a homo electro club kid via my ipod and nerd lurking, not so much the actual club. something bout the mammoth "scene" doesn't scream MSTRKRFT, though most kids here exploit the dance parties to the fullest. i've come across some awesome shit, as well as a lot of shit. either way i'll be restocking the ipod with freshies so for my 2 minute ride to work in the morning, where i can get a quarter of the way through a song to get me through the whole day. hype machine has managed to get my through my day of lookie lou's and bullshit small talk. i can't believe its not even 4. even more so, i can't believe people are starting to put direct links to songs insted of zshare files, fucking christ, let me steal your songs. limewire doesn't work on the first ibook ever made apparently...
i've been doing my summer part on gettin down with the bronzing sport in the spirit of the olympics. i've tried to regularly work on a soulful glow, i've even managed to express it in a cheezie pick up line and crayon, observe. "if you were a crayon, you'd be "sexy" color", like obviously that makes no sense, but if someone said that to you, you'd be like "dammnnn, i'm good enough to make a crayon out of" who doesn't like crayons. or my other particular summer pick up line i've managed to slure out "damn boy you golden like a tatter tot, leme get some and put you in my pocket". more than anything, we know i was wasted at the time and more than that, i never pick up on dudes, i just love the catchy lines i can think of while under the inflence of every beverage in my arm length. me and duncan went to the pool yesterday where i decided after 30 minutes of deliberation, to get the tanning oil without ANY sunsceen. we believe it was the best choice, because everyone is jealous of our radiating tans, though we were slightly, SLIGHTLY pink, we managed to out shine everyone, as allways. so 2 thumbs up for hawaiian tropic dark tanning oil, may you give me years and years of uncontroable skin cancer.
yesterday i started off the day with a slight "jog", aka, i walked faster than normal. half in part due to the fact that not even 100 feet from my house, i encounter a baby brown bear booking it across the street, and hangin out right infront of me. i'm thinking "fuckin bitchin, thats a bear, like, way close." then i'm thinking "whoa, he's way too close" and then i start thinking even more as i'm jogging closer "fuck, that means mom is close, i'm almost positive mom's about 4 times bigger than this dude, uhhhhh." and then he scurries off. good call, then i got bummed thinking, shitty dick, i won't be able to see that stuff soon as i move back into the urban wasteland, just homeless. so i kept going and ran along the stream and sat on a rock in it, got super hippie and intuned. its so damn beautiful here, i will truely miss it and my friends, even though i have a lot to go back to i guess. just more drama and bullshit i'm not going to get into. i so am not looking forward to moving back to LA. like, at all. like, FER SURE. shithead.
i keep talking about my bike, shit. hope i'm not too much a bitch ass pussy to ride the ghetto whip.
i'll be in this exact spot in 17 days. i'm a busy girl.
7.15.2008
"what's going on with the village"
are you joking me. do i look like rusty fucking gregory? do i look like the CEO of CNL or intrawest? DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITH THE FUCKING VILLAGE? I DON'T GET PAID TO CARE. i work at a leather store selling assless chaps and mink bras, does it look like i know why color me mine moved or why everythings closed? pick up the fucking SHEET.
i'm sorry. i just spend 60 hours a week talking nonsense with 2nd home visitors about the village going ons to the point now that i ignore their questions of ignorance and say i don't know, i don't care. do you think you are the first person to ask me that or carry on a 2 hour conversation with me about it? i can honestly state that not one person has walked through my doors without making a comment or trying to suck me dry of information about why the village is dead. thnx for wasting my time.
7.02.2008
knowledge is power, power over knowledge
what?
sometimes for unknow reasons, insignificant events turn into unknown turning points. like when you wake up and you litterly say "what happened last night?" that triggers a slew of thoughts into your head leading you with an end result of, i need to stop drinking. atleast thats how it usually goes for me. now, there's been many of these nights before, obviously years of these nights before, but for some reason, this time, you think "i'm over this" and take some self time to mend. i believe this time is crucial and neccessary for everyones self growth as a whole, if not, would that be considered de-evolution? to not progress with a natural flow of change? anways... i do this ever so often, keeps me sane and adventurous, if you will. so along with the full change in diet, commitment to excersize and daily routine of being bad ass, i decided to investigate my skull a bit and re-enroll in school, finally getting that fucking stupid nagging ball in motion. leaving me here, an application confirmation number, a bowl of home made sorbet looking at school supplies on officemax.com. fight me, i'm excited. also my future plans of drinking look bleek. although matt did just ask me what my 4th plans were and i replied with "getting fuckin hammered drunk," i believe its just a reflex.
this was nothing worth 2 minutes of time, but you did it anyways. sorry.
hopefully wit overrides all....
sometimes for unknow reasons, insignificant events turn into unknown turning points. like when you wake up and you litterly say "what happened last night?" that triggers a slew of thoughts into your head leading you with an end result of, i need to stop drinking. atleast thats how it usually goes for me. now, there's been many of these nights before, obviously years of these nights before, but for some reason, this time, you think "i'm over this" and take some self time to mend. i believe this time is crucial and neccessary for everyones self growth as a whole, if not, would that be considered de-evolution? to not progress with a natural flow of change? anways... i do this ever so often, keeps me sane and adventurous, if you will. so along with the full change in diet, commitment to excersize and daily routine of being bad ass, i decided to investigate my skull a bit and re-enroll in school, finally getting that fucking stupid nagging ball in motion. leaving me here, an application confirmation number, a bowl of home made sorbet looking at school supplies on officemax.com. fight me, i'm excited. also my future plans of drinking look bleek. although matt did just ask me what my 4th plans were and i replied with "getting fuckin hammered drunk," i believe its just a reflex.
this was nothing worth 2 minutes of time, but you did it anyways. sorry.
hopefully wit overrides all....
6.17.2008
lets just get that out there...
i feel like a lot of the time when i listen to people talk, as they move their lips to spit out some bullshit i could give a 2xfuckless about, i can't help but have the voice inside my head mutter constantly "do you fucking hear yourself? i mean honestly? get over yourself."
people that look at the world like "if i don't have goals, i'll have nothing to be disappointed by," big thumbs up to you, i'm glad that you strive for the top shelf in life. because when i look at you in my world i think like "you are a waste of space and a contaminating my air you poisoning insect." live for something.
nothing in this world is fair, i've come to terms with a long time ago. so i'm alright with a lot of things, its easier that way.
last night me and parker sat at the bar for 5 hours while nate played poker, and as the number of drinks got higher, the topic of conversation got deeper. explaining the positive and negative perspectives of life and how they're all just bullshit. and how one can't live without the other, its weird how the world can only funtion off of 2 sides, because without the other, the first would not have anything to play off of and the nutural "middle" would not exist. there always has to be a good and bad, because good can't exist without bad,
because then what would make good "good"? then what the fuck is middle ground? nutrual would have never made it into the dictionary. you can't have passion without controversy, becuase then whats the fucking point of anything. passion is controversy, we can all thank "free choice" for that and blah blah blah blah we were talking about these super controversial topics. i think it all (of course) sounded extreamly more inteligent as we were slamming the pint glasses on the bar, but there is a science to the madness. just reminds me that my brain hasn't exactly shriveled into baby chronic nug yet. THANK FUCKING GOD. i also believe i should have been on debate team in high school and showed up smashed every debate, because i would have killed some prep school ass. mostly due to the known fact that whenever i get wasted, i am 100% correct on every topic brought up in conversation and if i start to fumble, i will create the best and most convincing lie with every base covered to brain wash you into thinking i created God himself. its a gift.
i also got a very "really?... really?" number show up on my caller ID while hittin the bar hard. i don't believe in unexpected anymore, everything is unexpected, and if thats so, than it's really all just expected anyways.
ha ha ha, wrap your head around that one facefuck.
6.12.2008
6.10.2008
for the "hardcore" rafting experience
floating the owen's is a staple of the inyo area. if you got the day off and you're alright with getting wasted in a river with the ever so often dead calf floating down stream, you know how to party. we, know how to party. thank god for the majority of everyone i know either not working or having the same days off (don't know how that worked out, its like the town shuts down while the locals start their 2 day binges). either way, tomorrow we're all heading to K-MART (oh yeh, it really is THAT big of a deal) and picking up the following:
to be honest, this might be one of the best inventions ever, mostly because not only does it have the very necessary cup holders, but even more necessary area to place one's food, which is always my priority.
really? no one's thought of this before? i don't understand why back in like columbus' day, they didn't think smart and build one of these fine beasts to cruz up to america's shore on, fashionably and comfortably. fucking A you have a fucking floating cooler. cool columbus, way to kick it up a notch, lazy asshole.
and then here's me.
duly noted should be that this fine contraption is made of only the finest of beverages and saving the ecosystem one can at a time. act like you thought of the same thing... liar.
anyways, aside from the mosquito bites, our interlocking arms and legs while floating down the river should mark for a good day. we're building muchacho his very own raft, so he too can participate. we also will be making a raft for the beer coolers, which also must participate. ahhhhhhhh, life's hard.
another note:
back up on hypebeast & kix-files dogggggggggg:
what you know bout that purp? thought so.
talkin bout some fresh catch...
TMNT "donatello" i know like 3 heads that'd trip over this. whats the deallll, where's the "april" edition. bitch was legit.
ferris bueller
and my fav because they just as obnoxious as i, the thrashin'
also apparently they're comin out with "the nike sixer" which is a combo of beer inspired dunks. they already came out with new castle brown ale heineken, pabst blue ribbon angus,and on their way: mickey's malt liquor dunk hi, dos equis. i need to get up on those PBR kicks for sure.
that's it for now, i mean, i ammmm "working."
pft.
to be honest, this might be one of the best inventions ever, mostly because not only does it have the very necessary cup holders, but even more necessary area to place one's food, which is always my priority.
really? no one's thought of this before? i don't understand why back in like columbus' day, they didn't think smart and build one of these fine beasts to cruz up to america's shore on, fashionably and comfortably. fucking A you have a fucking floating cooler. cool columbus, way to kick it up a notch, lazy asshole.
and then here's me.
duly noted should be that this fine contraption is made of only the finest of beverages and saving the ecosystem one can at a time. act like you thought of the same thing... liar.
anyways, aside from the mosquito bites, our interlocking arms and legs while floating down the river should mark for a good day. we're building muchacho his very own raft, so he too can participate. we also will be making a raft for the beer coolers, which also must participate. ahhhhhhhh, life's hard.
another note:
back up on hypebeast & kix-files dogggggggggg:
what you know bout that purp? thought so.
talkin bout some fresh catch...
TMNT "donatello" i know like 3 heads that'd trip over this. whats the deallll, where's the "april" edition. bitch was legit.
ferris bueller
and my fav because they just as obnoxious as i, the thrashin'
also apparently they're comin out with "the nike sixer" which is a combo of beer inspired dunks. they already came out with new castle brown ale heineken, pabst blue ribbon angus,and on their way: mickey's malt liquor dunk hi, dos equis. i need to get up on those PBR kicks for sure.
that's it for now, i mean, i ammmm "working."
pft.
6.09.2008
spanish for buddy
i've had a dog since day one of being forced into this world. i grew up around big dogs, breed them, got small ones, blah blah blah blah blah dogs/puppies/mutts/strays/family. i love dogs, i love animals. i religiously watch animal planet in hopes of vicariously living through the ASPCA. i used to want to be a vet, when i was in 5th grade i did a fucking report on it and had a panic attack because i couldn't decide if i wanted to be a small or large animal doctor. so after i threw a fit, i threw the idea out, and decided to stick with dogs, or any animal i saw and could take home. mostly, dogs. since i moved up here, the most dog friendly area i've been to in awhile, i have yet to have the companionship of having my own dog seeing as though when i first moved i was unable to have pets in my apartment which meant my pooches were stuck back in LA. my sole drive in getting my own house was being able to have an accomplice in crime and snuggle buddy who'd be outdoors-ie with me. this is the first time in 22 years i haven't had my companion by my side, i feel like the biggest loser for saying it, but i had no idea what it was like to NOT have a dog. shits wack attack. so i've been on the prowl stalking the internet for puppies like an obsessed middle schooler over leonardo dicaprio (shit i duno, i'm so not "with it" on what 11 year old girls are swooning over these days, that was like "my time" ahahahahha, wow, i'm not that old). after weeks of deliberation and sorting, i found my options and was ready for the chosen one that i'd smoother to death with love and kisses. in talking to our realtor about the house me and the boys moved into, she put a firm foot down saying no more dogs in the house after the last one left. i was heartbroken. it was like i was just told that my ovaries couldn't produce eggs or some shit, it sucked. so, here i am, once again in bullshitville wondering where i can get cuddly posters of puppies, kittens and ducks. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT.
so last night, after my tormenting day at work, i retire back home to for once (and is never) an empty house to watch some ESPN highlights, when my room mates girlfriend walks in with a fluff ball strapped to her chest. she says "want a dog?" i laughed like HA HA who's dog are you sitting? (cos thats like THE thing up here, fuck your kids, we dog sit) shes all "no really, want a dog?" i get up and grab him, and say "yes." it was like a beam of light was blinding my eyes and i got a fucking puppy in my lap who followed me around like i was Jesus. cutest little thing, as frankie would say. he had to be mine, i talked to the boys, some serious talking, and said if a puppy would make me stay i could keep the puppy (even though it was not the puppy i truly wanted). like i was asking my parents? FUCKING A, i'm like the mom of the house anyways, fuck yeah i'ma keep this bad ass bitch, hes got freckles on his snout!! hes a golden/peak mix, motherfucker will be larger than life. so,... i named him muchacho, much for short. he doesn't fuss or shit, dog's legit, follows me around, loves everyone and at 7 weeks old, manages to shit outside unlike the almost YEAR OLD dog we had that would shit every 3 minutes in the house and bite everyone. it was parker's birthday and the dog was mellow as hell with a full house and kicked it on everyones lap while we got rowdy drinking. he slept in my arms all night and didn't wake me up once til i took him out when i got up. TELL ME THAT ISN'T THE WAY IT SHOULD BE. thanx. plus i hada cuddlefest finally. adorable, its like cuteoverload.com.
so now im stuck in this, both hands in the air weigh shit out game. i'm leaving for DC in 10 days, going back to NZ this summer, working my ass off ang going back to school. is it fair to this cupcake puddum that i can't shower it with all the love and attention i'd love to devote to it? no. so the question remains, nate says "a golden doesn't fit you" which is true, but he needs a home, and hes just SOEWOWOWO cute, i'd throw him in my purse and take him everywhere til i couldn't. which will be in like a month ahahaa. either way, i got a dog until i figure it out.
so last night, after my tormenting day at work, i retire back home to for once (and is never) an empty house to watch some ESPN highlights, when my room mates girlfriend walks in with a fluff ball strapped to her chest. she says "want a dog?" i laughed like HA HA who's dog are you sitting? (cos thats like THE thing up here, fuck your kids, we dog sit) shes all "no really, want a dog?" i get up and grab him, and say "yes." it was like a beam of light was blinding my eyes and i got a fucking puppy in my lap who followed me around like i was Jesus. cutest little thing, as frankie would say. he had to be mine, i talked to the boys, some serious talking, and said if a puppy would make me stay i could keep the puppy (even though it was not the puppy i truly wanted). like i was asking my parents? FUCKING A, i'm like the mom of the house anyways, fuck yeah i'ma keep this bad ass bitch, hes got freckles on his snout!! hes a golden/peak mix, motherfucker will be larger than life. so,... i named him muchacho, much for short. he doesn't fuss or shit, dog's legit, follows me around, loves everyone and at 7 weeks old, manages to shit outside unlike the almost YEAR OLD dog we had that would shit every 3 minutes in the house and bite everyone. it was parker's birthday and the dog was mellow as hell with a full house and kicked it on everyones lap while we got rowdy drinking. he slept in my arms all night and didn't wake me up once til i took him out when i got up. TELL ME THAT ISN'T THE WAY IT SHOULD BE. thanx. plus i hada cuddlefest finally. adorable, its like cuteoverload.com.
so now im stuck in this, both hands in the air weigh shit out game. i'm leaving for DC in 10 days, going back to NZ this summer, working my ass off ang going back to school. is it fair to this cupcake puddum that i can't shower it with all the love and attention i'd love to devote to it? no. so the question remains, nate says "a golden doesn't fit you" which is true, but he needs a home, and hes just SOEWOWOWO cute, i'd throw him in my purse and take him everywhere til i couldn't. which will be in like a month ahahaa. either way, i got a dog until i figure it out.
6.03.2008
hot rod
i could possibly give you the best synopsis of your life of the underrated/underhyped movie "HOT ROD"...
or you could do 2 of the following:
A) watch the clip
B) or go fucking rent it already...
i cannot believe i listened to some "the notebook" loving douche bag about not going to see this newly coveted classic and further more trying to stop my inquiring mind from renting it later on. weird how you hold on to a snippit of what someone says as refrence... even weirded, i listened. a total lack of judgement call on my part, and i'm paying the price by not knowing the brilliance of this oscar performance sooner. theres a first and last time for everything, give me a fucking break.
in more unrewarding news, after recovering from no sleep in 48 hours and extream stress attacks, i'm ready to party. i've been drinkin green tea all day, and i'm ready to rack up my entire kitchen table with cups and play the most xtream and unrulely game of "beer pong" any undergrad UCSB student would not dare to match.
or you could do 2 of the following:
A) watch the clip
B) or go fucking rent it already...
i cannot believe i listened to some "the notebook" loving douche bag about not going to see this newly coveted classic and further more trying to stop my inquiring mind from renting it later on. weird how you hold on to a snippit of what someone says as refrence... even weirded, i listened. a total lack of judgement call on my part, and i'm paying the price by not knowing the brilliance of this oscar performance sooner. theres a first and last time for everything, give me a fucking break.
in more unrewarding news, after recovering from no sleep in 48 hours and extream stress attacks, i'm ready to party. i've been drinkin green tea all day, and i'm ready to rack up my entire kitchen table with cups and play the most xtream and unrulely game of "beer pong" any undergrad UCSB student would not dare to match.
5.29.2008
i'm lost
i miss my life, or knowing what it is.
i feel like i have a mulitiple personalitly disorter. one person with 20 different personalitlies, its hard to figure out who i am, or if all these personalities just make up ... me.
theres so many things i want to do, so many things i miss, so many things that are new, so many things that need to change, and so many things that seem to never change.
its like im looking into a pool of the past through the underground looking glass, was i the only one that wanted something more? proves how within what i knew, the people, places, things, ideas, you are disguarded for wanting something different.
i didn't think i changed, i guess, i did. is that bad? it feels like it. i'm an outcast now, among years of friendship. it went from listening to the duckie boys outside the topanga plaza with martine before it got rebuilt, downing 40s in the alley behind the cobalt running across sherman way and going to 7-11 every show, going to zack and dre's to watch them eat a plater of mac n cheese made for a family of 10, the beach trips, hell, the AMC. i left all that, and in that, maybe they felt like i was leaving them too. but to them, this isn't their dream. living with 3 other girls in a housing full of boys, taking the "short cut" through chest high snowbanks to get to the bar, falling all the way home on the ice from the village but you're blacked out so it didn't matter, house parties, forgieners, being able to walk ANYWHERE in town during a blizzard, the amount of steps i took down our street late at night before we moved, our "family" dinners, backcountry powder and taking tree runs that shoot you out over 10 foot cliffs you didn't know existed, finally making the micheal jackson across the whole box insted of compressing your knee cap, finally stompping switch 1's over the cheese wedge and 180 nose press to 180 out, like best feeling ever, and totally different than having the most instense sing alongs at shows and fests i've gone to over the years.
last night, i think i was more wasted stoned than i ever had been in my entire smoking career. but it got me thinking, weird, i know. i was so tired, but for over an hour my mind raced as i was in bed with images. i thought it was odd, and even harder if i tried to explain it to someone. it was like i was remebering everything i had ever done in life and how one thing would make me thinking of something completely different but somehow they were linked in my brain. but through all the events, moments, and times in my life, every second that i had participated in my life, i could remember an exact image from that time, it was like i was right there in that moment of time again. i could think of one moment. its amazing what the human mind can remember, how distinct memories and thoughts were. i could remember actual events as an image that i associated with it. an exact image from that exact time, that i hold on to as a memory. it blows my mind. its frustrating to try and explain when to me its so clear and obvious. i wonder what other people see when they think of those exact times. i wonder what they feel.
i miss it. i spent 21 years of my life there, just to do something completely different from what i knew, but yet still familuar.
no one will ever understand what was then, except those who were there. and all who were there, are gone. and no one from then will ever understand what i'm doing now. its like i'm living 2 lives, and can't find a balance. its unsettling to constantly feel like you're in limbo.
its a lose lose. if i went back, i'd miss this life, if i never did this, i would have never experienced any of this and i think i was suppost to. i don't know what to do. one things for sure, i miss my friends, and i am so thankful for the ones i've made along the way.
fuck dude, life's a trip.
verse - tear down these walls
i feel like i have a mulitiple personalitly disorter. one person with 20 different personalitlies, its hard to figure out who i am, or if all these personalities just make up ... me.
theres so many things i want to do, so many things i miss, so many things that are new, so many things that need to change, and so many things that seem to never change.
its like im looking into a pool of the past through the underground looking glass, was i the only one that wanted something more? proves how within what i knew, the people, places, things, ideas, you are disguarded for wanting something different.
i didn't think i changed, i guess, i did. is that bad? it feels like it. i'm an outcast now, among years of friendship. it went from listening to the duckie boys outside the topanga plaza with martine before it got rebuilt, downing 40s in the alley behind the cobalt running across sherman way and going to 7-11 every show, going to zack and dre's to watch them eat a plater of mac n cheese made for a family of 10, the beach trips, hell, the AMC. i left all that, and in that, maybe they felt like i was leaving them too. but to them, this isn't their dream. living with 3 other girls in a housing full of boys, taking the "short cut" through chest high snowbanks to get to the bar, falling all the way home on the ice from the village but you're blacked out so it didn't matter, house parties, forgieners, being able to walk ANYWHERE in town during a blizzard, the amount of steps i took down our street late at night before we moved, our "family" dinners, backcountry powder and taking tree runs that shoot you out over 10 foot cliffs you didn't know existed, finally making the micheal jackson across the whole box insted of compressing your knee cap, finally stompping switch 1's over the cheese wedge and 180 nose press to 180 out, like best feeling ever, and totally different than having the most instense sing alongs at shows and fests i've gone to over the years.
last night, i think i was more wasted stoned than i ever had been in my entire smoking career. but it got me thinking, weird, i know. i was so tired, but for over an hour my mind raced as i was in bed with images. i thought it was odd, and even harder if i tried to explain it to someone. it was like i was remebering everything i had ever done in life and how one thing would make me thinking of something completely different but somehow they were linked in my brain. but through all the events, moments, and times in my life, every second that i had participated in my life, i could remember an exact image from that time, it was like i was right there in that moment of time again. i could think of one moment. its amazing what the human mind can remember, how distinct memories and thoughts were. i could remember actual events as an image that i associated with it. an exact image from that exact time, that i hold on to as a memory. it blows my mind. its frustrating to try and explain when to me its so clear and obvious. i wonder what other people see when they think of those exact times. i wonder what they feel.
i miss it. i spent 21 years of my life there, just to do something completely different from what i knew, but yet still familuar.
no one will ever understand what was then, except those who were there. and all who were there, are gone. and no one from then will ever understand what i'm doing now. its like i'm living 2 lives, and can't find a balance. its unsettling to constantly feel like you're in limbo.
its a lose lose. if i went back, i'd miss this life, if i never did this, i would have never experienced any of this and i think i was suppost to. i don't know what to do. one things for sure, i miss my friends, and i am so thankful for the ones i've made along the way.
fuck dude, life's a trip.
verse - tear down these walls
5.19.2008
well, hello there
alright, so heres the run-down. we've all been aware of this for quite some time now, over 4 years to be exact, where i set up new accounts faster than a porn spammer and get lurked out even faster (ie: theillestb.blogspot.com). but we're going to do this one a little different this time, and, well, fuck it, who really cares what my drunk/sober/halfway inbetween rambles are trying to mutter out anyways. suck it easy.
so on my beautiful drive home after work (looking out over the golf course to the sherwin
mountains which i can see out my deck) im on the phone with adam going on a laundry list of bad items that have happened over the past week since he left, i lose service because cingular/at&t is one bogus liar with "the fewest dropped calls nation wide", YEAH? COME TO MAMMOTH we'll talk fucking reception, which adds to list of bullshit. i put my purse down when i walk inside where of course the boys would be doing nothing but screaming into a telemarketer's headset "waz tha dealll with french toast" playing local 14 year olds in halo 3 (which one day, i will burn in our fireplace). i reach into my purse to go outside to make my very important long distance romance phone call, where my red gatorade cap has cracked off and poured every last ounce of thirst quenching drank into my 2 years strong target purse. which leads me to walk ouside calmly, close the french doors, turn around the chairs, and cry like a little bitch, just call me "last straw mcgee". i continue to reconnect my call, and say "i just need a break, i want to go home, like LA home," and was met with 30 minutes of consoling and "things can only get better, they boys will take care of you til i can" and a lot of making everything better. i felt like the biggest shitbag walking planet earth, but it did get me to thinking. where several hours later while bored at work today i wrote a little something that was spawned from this sudden "wack attack" which made me both extreamly "bummed out central" and "wow i/we rule." where every bit of it is true with so much left out, i'd need more pages than the bible to get down how hard we got down. i do quite miss LA.
some things i miss...a lot of you, and LA.
so on my beautiful drive home after work (looking out over the golf course to the sherwin
mountains which i can see out my deck) im on the phone with adam going on a laundry list of bad items that have happened over the past week since he left, i lose service because cingular/at&t is one bogus liar with "the fewest dropped calls nation wide", YEAH? COME TO MAMMOTH we'll talk fucking reception, which adds to list of bullshit. i put my purse down when i walk inside where of course the boys would be doing nothing but screaming into a telemarketer's headset "waz tha dealll with french toast" playing local 14 year olds in halo 3 (which one day, i will burn in our fireplace). i reach into my purse to go outside to make my very important long distance romance phone call, where my red gatorade cap has cracked off and poured every last ounce of thirst quenching drank into my 2 years strong target purse. which leads me to walk ouside calmly, close the french doors, turn around the chairs, and cry like a little bitch, just call me "last straw mcgee". i continue to reconnect my call, and say "i just need a break, i want to go home, like LA home," and was met with 30 minutes of consoling and "things can only get better, they boys will take care of you til i can" and a lot of making everything better. i felt like the biggest shitbag walking planet earth, but it did get me to thinking. where several hours later while bored at work today i wrote a little something that was spawned from this sudden "wack attack" which made me both extreamly "bummed out central" and "wow i/we rule." where every bit of it is true with so much left out, i'd need more pages than the bible to get down how hard we got down. i do quite miss LA.some things i miss...a lot of you, and LA.
all though the summers hit mostly over 100 degrees in the nappy valley where my $2 target flip flops felt like we're melting into the asphalt, the amount of time spent on a $5 inflatable killer whale raft in martine's dad's pool drinking wine coolers because we finished off all the beer before 12pm, and the zuma 7 take over trips where we would say every time 'fuck we should have just taken the beach bus' but i think we're too old because we're not 12 year old skanks from calabasas, was enough to heed my hate for central valley living. or maybe it was putting over 1,300 miles on my car one summer sitting in traffic having a dance-a-thon to sandstorm, mxpx, the movielife and lloyd banks on the way to corona every week to see b-roll and purchasing airbrush tee's from dickie mart, or driving to san bernardino BLARING life of agony to stand in a dirt cloud surrounded by long hair and hot topic bondage, full and wasted from free beer and monsters to watch slipknot and pick on frank, or going to arizona for spring-broke-break with martine to resuce terateraterror where we had a on land "booze cruz" for 4 days straight where hang overs were out of the question, but found out that ungodly temperatures and fish bowl drinks while laying out resulted in 3rd degree sunburns. spending most time at the hotter-than-hell-no-airconditioning chateau harder aka the reseda wolfpack house with its various house shows, bbqs, and drunks jumping off the roof into the pool (which is just as easy when blacked out, mind you, just even more completely unsafe) going to soup plantation with joe and essa and playing the eat til you puke game, i usually put down the most. or maybe that night when me and martine went to tijuana with big zack, dre and the TERROR boys , 
big zack turned into andre the giant scooping me and nick on his shoulders, meanwhile me and martine are sippin out of sketchy pastic black bags in an even sketchier van on the way to the hong kong bar (yeah we ALLLLLL remember that night, sorta) slow dancing with luis after he got stripped down naked by 2 strippers and i talked all night in spanish to a hooker. nights in hollywood is a chapter all its own, where i might not necessarily miss passing out on a side street off hollywood blvd with bryan only be be woken up by a street cleaner, or him getting kicked out of moscow for throwing a girl into the fountain steps, it's one of those things you look back on and say 'wow, must have been a good night..' or rollin deep to the volcom bowling party and getting kicked out immediately as we stepped out the car for BYOB and hangin out at the top of the standard for the MADA party, open bar, fuck. or going out to dinner with luis every week when he got off work where i got tanked and we bullshitted for hours about god knows fucking what. all the bbq's we demolished, clubs we tore apart, side walks we peed on, alleys we threw up in, long ass car trips, back seat dance parties, stumbles up the stairs, wade vs. me after a bottle of jack, misha vs. the wall, hotel parties, sound and fury 3 day same outfit, taking pictures of hollywood stars with fucked names and industry parties with open bars!!!, i miss it all, a lot. and i miss a lot of you. i really do.
just reminding you of some extreamly bitchin times
xoxo
little did i know til after i posted this, martine a few days earlier had made a simular post. which only furthers the idea that me and her are undeniably one in the same as well as extreamly fucking gay. and on an even gay-er note, i miss her incredibly. on a nohomo level, this is the longest me and her have been apart. i srsly miss everyone from down south a metric ton? i don't know how much that is, it sounded larger. thinkin bout this shit makes my brain insides hurt, who knows whats going to happen in the next few months, i know in the next few hours i'll be in lakanuki sweatin to the beats of the 80s, 90s and today ordering my 6th round of "longislandiceteaplease" with sarai, cos bitches i just got paid. i'll laugh all the way to the bank, ha ha haaaa, cos its ridic for the hours i "worked" aka searching for puppies.
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